that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
