I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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