Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
