Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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