There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
