That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
