One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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