sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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