If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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