He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize