3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
