she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
