I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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