take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
