so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize