He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
