He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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