I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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