i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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