There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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