Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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