I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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