I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
