I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
