At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
