writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I enjoy the company of your penis
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
