Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
