just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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