we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize