One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Text me some of your sweat
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
