Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
