i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
