Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Send help, water and tortillas.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
