Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
