Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
