I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
