I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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