Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
