a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
