The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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