This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
