he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
