whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
