not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
