i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
