Don't make out with my wife yet
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
