One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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