walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
