definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
