the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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