Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
