I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize