They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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