I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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