I just made out with a guy for $7.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
tell me about the eggs
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
