you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
