All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Bring me that man meat
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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