just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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