9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
