Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
