"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
