my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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