So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
