Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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