At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
