I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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