I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
