Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
