eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
