I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
