I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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