Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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