Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
