Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
