A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize